Emotional Strength isn't Easy

As I have mentioned before, I am an emotional person; I cry easily.  I cried when Adam proposed, when I attempted to give my speech at my sister's wedding, when I said my vows at my own wedding.  I also cry at the weddings of close friends and family, sad movies or TV shows (most recently Downton Abby, which I am still mad about), and yes, sometimes even commercials.

At one of my earliest appointments with my oncologist, I cried.  Adam held my hand and my doctor told me that I could cry this time, but moving forward I will have to be strong to fight this.  I haven't cried in his office since.  That is until this past Monday.

We were discussing my increasing liver dysfunction and what that means for available treatment options and prolonged survival.  Adam asked the doctor about a liver transplant considering the disease is almost exclusively in my liver at this point.  The doctor told him that was a great question and he knows that Adam "would cut off his arm to save this woman."  That's when I cried.  I held it together through the not so great news, but that was the breaking point. 

I know Adam has been and will continue to do whatever he can to make me better.  There has never been a doubt about that.  He has made appointments with specialists, done research on clinical trials, researched nutrition and health plans, and scours message boards looking for patients in my situation to see what has worked and what hasn't.  And I know he will give me a piece of his liver if he is a match and it comes down to that.  Adam has been so strong so that I can have the moments of weakness.  He has been my rock.  Without him fighting for me and with me, this would be much harder than it already is.

I am also lucky to know that so many family and friends would do the same for us - fight for us in any way they can - right now prayers and well wishes are what we need the most.  Eventually we may need a piece of a liver or donations to fund a transplant that's not likely to be covered by insurance.  And we may be asking for that one day - hopefully a bit later on down the road.