This is Our Fight: March 2014

So, as of about 12:40AM this morning, it's been exactly one year since we lost Meg. That moment a year ago, that was by far the most agonizing moment in my life. I thought I would come home tonight, do some reminiscing, get emotional, and write something sad and somewhat depressing. That seems to be the routine for these milestone days. The worst was New Years Eve - I was a wreck that night before I eventually pulled enough of myself together to go meet some friends.

But as I sat down to write tonight, I realized that I didn't really feel like being depressed. I saw this photo that my mom posted on facebook earlier today:

My favorite photos of Meg are the ones that capture her laughing or smiling, and not necessarily posing for the camera. Those are the ones that really trigger strong memories of her personality and what I loved so much about her. She seems to come alive in those pics. Just now, looking at these pictures reminded me of the times on our couch or in bed where we would start laughing so hard at something, and then we'd just be laughing at each other and wouldn't be able to stop. I don't have pictures or videos of those moments, so I need to settle for the good pics that I do have, and hope they continue to trigger new happy memories.

A few months ago someone asked me what Meg's passions were, and I didn't really have a good answer. If someone were to ask what my passion was, I'd probably say something like music, so I think I replied by saying that Meg wasn't really too passionate about hobbies. Afterwards, I was pretty pissed at myself for not having a better response. As I thought about it, I realized that she was probably most passionate about bringing joy to the friends and family in her life. I don't think she would have said that if you asked her, partly because it sounds corny, but mostly because it was just part of who she was, and she didn't really understand people who acted differently. Anyone who responded to her with a similar desire to be friendly and fun was immediately accepted into her world. We were somewhat different in that way - she was inherently trusting of people until they gave her reason not to be, while I am initially much more reserved until I see a reason to open up to someone. And that's just one small factor towards why she was so good for me. But that passion, that openness, that joy, I can feel that when I see her laugh.

I thought I would post last year's eulogy tonight, but that's wrought with emotion, and I can save that for another day. Today I just want to remember Meg as I want to remember her - being silly, laughing with friends, and sharing the love.

Haha, this one kills me, we were both dying when we saw the moment that got captured. We were joking around on the floor and laughing, and then I accidentally starting applying pressure on her arm. Her face is in the middle of transitioning from laughter to agony, and I'm still just laughing, so it looks like I'm really enjoying the pain that she's in!