Looking Back

A lot of people have asked me how I found out I have cancer.  I wrote a bit about that here.  But looking back, I realized that I had symptoms long before I went to the hospital.

I remember thinking that something wasn't quite right starting in April 2012 (about 2 months before I ended up at the hospital), but I had chalked the symptoms up to stress.  I started being unable to complete my usual workouts.  After running a 10-mile race on April 1st, by April 21st, I couldn't make it 3 miles without stopping to walk.  I was playing on a softball team at the time and would get really winded running the bases or making a play in the field.  Eventually I started to get out of breath walking up a flight of stairs.  Then I started feeling like I wanted to sit down all the time.  I would even sit down while brushing my teeth.

I started feeling queasy from time to time, but I didn't think much of it.  I was eating more, working out less, and not gaining any weight.  My bowel movements changed.  In late May, I developed severe pain in my right shoulder - I tried stretching, massage therapy, and eventually muscle relaxants did the trick.

All of these things together seem to indicate that something wasn't right.  I never even thought that something serious might be wrong.  I was stressed at work.  I thought I was getting out of shape.  It never occurred to me to see a doctor.

Sometimes I can't help thinking that if I had gone to the doctor earlier, maybe they would have caught it at stage II or III instead of stage IV.  Or maybe the chemo would have worked better earlier on.  And then I remember stories about people with stomach cancer who go to doctors for months and are told they have acid reflux or some other benign condition and are sent home.  In some of those cases, when they finally find out it is gastric cancer, it is too late and treatment doesn't work.  My doctors think the cancer could have been growing for a year or even two years before we found it.  It is crazy to think that something like that can be happening inside your body for so long before you realize it. 

So, who actually goes to a doctor and tells them they get tired walking up a flight of stairs?  So I don't beat myself up about it.  I didn't put the pieces together at the time, even though they seem obvious in hindsight.  Will I tell people to pay closer attention to changes in their health?  To see a doctor even if something seems minor?  I definitely will.